The Boozy On StubHub

I would just like to share with you the email I just received from StubHub. StubHub has been, for years now, the place I've been going to get cheap NBA tickets. But now I feel like I have to look somewhere else because they actually tried to sell me Clippers tickets, which at this point should be considered a crime against humanity. I thought StubHub would give up on them like every Clipper fan has this season, but evidently it's not the case. Bless them for trying, I suppose. Here's the message they sent via email:

"College hoops may be going mad, but Los Angeles Clippers fans know the true drama lies in the pros. With so many playoff spots up for grabs, the NBA season's final weeks will be chock-full of big shots and even bigger moments. Secure Clippers tickets today."

Are they really insinuating that the Clippers have a chance to make the playoffs? Really? A 20-39 team in 12th place in March is going to go to the playoffs? Where even if they had 30 wins they'd still be behind Portland and Denver who are out of playoff contention at this point? Sorry StubHub, you can't fool true Clippers fans. They know the season's over.

Now they're not necessarily saying that the Clippers will make the playoffs. They're just saying that Clippers fans know that some of the playoff spots are up for grabs, but will not necessarily be grabbed the Clippers themselves. However, keep in mind they are trying to sell Clippers tickets. Why sell Clippers tickets, though, if their season is already in the toilet and the GM is already looking to the lottery? That's why they worded it so weirdly--they want to give the impression that the Clippers have a chance at getting one of those playoff spots. Those StubHub guys are sneaky bastards. I hate it. Here's how I would have worded it:

"Sure, the Clippers stink this year, but don't you realize other Clippers fans' season tickets are up for grabs at super-low prices? Nobody wants to pay top dollar for a lottery team, so why not get tickets now for half of the asking price?! Who knows, maybe you can get good seats for teams who WILL make the playoffs and humiliate the Clippers for like twenty bucks! And the best news is that next season the tickets will be priced even lower now that the future of the franchise is in doubt! It's a buyer's market, so get to steppin'!"

StubHub, you're welcome.