Doozy On The 2008 Playoffs: Part 1 - The Finals

It's been a while, huh?

I've been waiting a good two months since the end of the finals to do a retrospective simply because I wanted to get all of the excitement of Boston winning out of my system. By the way, it didn't work. I'm still excited. I still make mention of the championship on my Facebook status and probably will until November. But I had to write something at some point, right? So here we are. Where do I begin?

I'll start by saying I told you so. In my last column.

Okay, so I didn't predict a winner or find any single key to winning (like, say, Paul Pierce's MVP performance), but I did show how both teams could have won or lost by exploiting each team's strengths and weaknesses. Take this quote:

"I think this series will depend on who will show up. For the Celtics, the focus is still on Ray Allen, who returned to proper form in the Conference Finals but has yet to prove he can be consistent. Paul Pierce is expected to play his best series against the Lakers as he's historically played better against the team that he once saw growing up near the old Forum. Garnett will be Garnett. But the rest of the starters will have something to prove--especially Rondo, who can join the level of Tony Parker if he makes it out of the series with the title."

And everything went according to plan. Allen, after returning to proper form in the previous series, kept the mojo going, busting out 22 3's on the Lakers in the Finals (a record, by the way). Paul Pierce played his absolute best, being at the right place at the right time. That includes his amazing, 'mini-Willis' comeback in game 1 that ignited both the team and the crowd. (I recall KG saying after the game that he didn't notice Pierce coming out. He just heard the fans going crazy with no clue why, since nobody was running any plays on the court. But somewhere in his heart I'm sure he knew he was there, even before he saw him at the sub table.) And remember that the real turning point in the historic game 4 comeback was when Pierce asked Doc Rivers to guard Kobe Bryant in the second half, leading to a very memorable blocked shot courtesy of PP. No wonder he got the MVP trophy over KG. After all, KG was just being KG.

But wasn't that a suprise in and of itself? KG somehow broke free of his previous stigma of backing out of big games to put on a defensive show that gave me flashbacks to Tim Duncan's lights-out performance in the 2005 finals. His best moment had to be the move I call the "Hand of God," where in the third quarter of game seven he stopped Pau Gasol dead in his tracks as he was going for a jump shot. He didn't even let Gasol get off the ground. And he did it with ONE HAND. Pau was using two and got stuffed with one hand--the Hand of God. No wonder KG put on his intensity face after that play. That one play, in my opinion, summed up the Finals in a nutshell. A power offense getting stopped by a far more powerful defense.

And didn't we learn from Dennis Rodman's movie Double Team that defense wins the game? The C's are living proof.

As far as Rondo's performance goes... wow. He definitely had something to prove in the Finals, and he gave us proof that he's one of the quickest, smartest and all around best point guards in the league. Is he on the level of Tony Parker? Oh, yeah. Especially after Parker gave us that poo-poo performance in the Western Conference Finals. At this point I'm pretty sure Rondo's surpassed him, especially in passing and speed. As I like to tell a friend and Suns fan here in my office, Phoenix sold him to Boston for just CASH. Looks like Boston finally got its money's worth.

So here's to the C's on their 17th banner, and the hope for an 18th next June.

(By the way, who showed up on the Lakers for all six games besides Kobe? And didn't I write that what happens to the Lakers depends on who shows up besides Kobe? Hey, when I'm right, I'm right.)

Doozy On The Showdown

Celtics versus Lakers. Lakers versus Celtics.

You couldn't begin to imagine the feeling of anger I had when the Lakers beat the Spurs in five games. Five finals appearances in nine years? MVP Kobe in line to be the next MJ? Say it isn't so!

Then it happened, one day later. The Celtics knocked the Pistons off on the road in a game six thriller. Well, it was a thriller if you were a Celtics fan. I guess you could say I was thrilled about a pretty one-sided win. Even better, With a game 6 win to clinch the series, the Celts had an extra two days to rest that they wouldn't have had if they went to a game 7. That was a breath of fresh air for a team that went through two straight game 7's, including that amazing shootout against Cleveland.

All this adds up to the two of the best teams in the regular season at 100%, going at it 100%. Add in the whole Finals rivalry between the Lakers and Celtics and you've got the best Finals matchup in recent memory.

But this series has a lot to live up to. Sportswriters across the nation can't get enough of comparing this series to the last ten LA/Boston Finals, which is somewhat of an unfair comparison since time has elevated every player in those games to legendary status. Should we really be putting Kobe, Pau, KG, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen alongside the likes of Bob Cousy, Bill Russell, Sam Jones, Elgin Baylor, Jerry West, John Havlicek, Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Kareem, Magic, and even James Worthy? There's still much to be proven by our 2008 superstars and people should really wait after at least one game to see who raises their status from star to legend.

Unlike the press, I'm putting this series side-to-side with with another Finals that had nothing to do with Celtics or Lakers. I'm hoping this series will be as good or exceed what I believe to be the best Finals of the decade--the 2005 NBA Finals between the Spurs and Pistons.

Aside from being a grueling, slow series (grueling to watch at times, too), it featured amazing performances from a great cast of characters. The Pistons played four all-stars on their starting five of Chauncey, Rip, Tayshaun, Sheed, and Big Ben Wallace. This series was also the first real appearance of the big three for the Spurs now that Speedy Claxton left and Tony Parker had to take the reins of the main playmaker for the entire Finals. Both teams had excellent jump shooting, suffocating defenses, and quick slashers (Rip for Detroit and Parker for the Spurs). This series also featured two excellent, destined-to-be-hall-of-famers coaches at the top of their game (Greg Popovich and Larry Brown). The teams traded back-and-forth blows until reaching a game seven in San Antonio where the Spurs held on for a 81-74 win. This series also featured an incredible game 5 that ended in overtime--and a road win for the Spurs.

The 2005 finals was great for hardcore basketball fans who love watching a good defensive play as much as a dynamic dunk. But for casual fans, this game was a nightmare. Neither team was flashy or quick, and both teams resided in small markets. All in all it was an unpopular series, but it remains one of the most highly competitive finals of the decade.

At least it got to a game 7.

The one thing this year's Finals has done better than its 2005 iteration is pull in the casual fans. The press is doing whatever it can to hearken the public back to the league's glory days in the 80's by writing about and showing as many moments from the '84, '85, and '87 finals as they can. Fine with me. It's always good to see Kareem elbowing Bird or McHale clotheslining Kurt Rambis--more the latter for me--but I wish that I didn't have to see it for one week straight while we're waiting for the finals to begin. Whatever it takes to get the nation to tune in, I guess.

But can the 2008 Finals match up to the intense and hard-fought nature of the 2005 Finals? We'll have to wait and see. As for the series itself...

I think this series will depend on who will show up. For the Celtics, the focus is still on Ray Allen, who returned to proper form in the Conference Finals but has yet to prove he can be consistent. Paul Pierce is expected to play his best series against the Lakers as he's historically played better against the team that he once saw growing up near the old Forum. Garnett will be Garnett. But the rest of the starters will have something to prove--especially Rondo, who can join the level of Tony Parker if he makes it out of the series with the title. Doc Rivers picked the best time to narrow his rotation, and the five starters along with James Posey, P.J. Brown, Sam Cassell, Eddie House and Big Baby will need to share the load on defense and the bench guys will need to play smart defense as they rotate back and forth on Kobe.

Kobe will show up, but what about the rest of the Lakers? As the playoffs kept going, Derek Fisher got good (against Denver), then got really good (against Utah) then sort of faded back into the background (against San Antonio). It seems like his performance depends on the defense he's up against. If that's the case, he'll have a hard time with the quicker Rajon Rondo. Where the Celtics have a giant hole on defense against Kobe, you could say Vladi Radmanovic is the human hole since he's a poor defender on the far superior Paul Pierce. The RadMan will have to prove he isn't a defensive liability for the Lakers if he wants to stay in. If not, it'll be up to Luke Walton to post up The Truth--again not an ideal scenario for LA. Pau Gasol will need to exploit his size mismatch with Kendrick Perkins when he gets to the post since that will be his best position to score. Any jumpers he will attempt could get blocked from behind by KG if he isn't careful. The true X-Factor for the Lakers has to be Lamar Odom. He's been playing his best basketball in the past few weeks but curbed that trend in his last couple of games against the Spurs. He'll need to be the second-leading scorer if the Lakers want to win.

In past blogs I've said or made hints regarding who I think will win. I'm not going to give a prediction this time, because the matchup is so close. These are the top seeds, two of the top three teams in the regular season (Detroit was second), and the two teams that landed blockbuster trades before the playoffs. Neither team matches up particularly well with each other--another reason why it's so hard to figure out who will win.

Rest assured, this will go down as the most anticipated Finals in ten years. And for once people will be watching.

The Doozy Returns, Clinches The West

Despite promises from the other half of the Boozy, we have not provided any preview for the Western Conference Finals. So instead the Doozy triumphantly returns with the sixth straight post from our version of The Man. Me. And since the Lakers are already leading 3-1 going into today's game 5, there's little reason to go on with a preview or any overview of the series so far. If the Spurs come back from a 1-3 deficit, then color me surprised.

That being said, the Spurs certainly have the potential to win three games in a row. It isn't common by any stretch, but teams have returned from a 1-3 hole in the conference finals to win it all, so there is a precedent. (And since I did no research to back that claim up, I can only pray that I'm right about that. Prove me wrong if I am.) And this Spurs team can do just that, make a big comeback, especially if the Lakers slip up at home tonight. So let's break down how both sides can win the series, starting with the obvious:

1) How can the Lakers win the series?

Let's see... Well... Don't change anything, doofus. If you're the Lakers, you got three wins going into game 5 at home, you got Kobe playing at a completely different plane than everybody else right now, and you got role players making key contributions when they're supposed to. It would take a sizable collapse by the Lakers to screw this up. So far, they've been able to stop the Spurs at the height of their game, most notably in game 1 when the Spurs had a 20-point lead in the middle of the third quarter. Since that fourth quarter of game 1, the Lakers have outplayed the Spurs in the Conference Finals for nearly the entire time, messing up only once in Game 3 in a match that the Spurs were supposed to win anyway. So as long as the Lakers show up to play, they will win the series. They have three chances to win it, for crying out loud.

2) How can the Spurs win the series?

Resurrect Robert Horry's corpse.

Just kidding. Kind of.

The Spurs have a golden opportunity to take game 5 as long as they play hard and commit close to zero mistakes. The Spurs will have to count on the Lakers' young guys taking it easy with the two-game cushion and using that to their advantage, roughing the other guys up and shocking them right from the get-go. Manu Ginobili will no doubt need to show up and play his best game of the playoffs. And the role players coming off the bench--Brent Barry, Jacque Vaughn, Michael Finley (if he's not starting), and yes, the corpse of Robert Horry--all have to make big plays to hold off Kobe and the Kobettes. If there's a combination of Laker youngin's snoozing and Spurs role guys making big stops and bigger scores, then we'll see a game 6 in San Antonio. But the chances of that happening are slim. The Lakers are just too good.

Our coverage of the playoffs will conclude with our NBA Finals preview. We'll handle what happens after the Finals when we come back to talk about the 2008 NBA Draft.

Before I end the post, I also wanted to say some things about the Eastern Conference Finals...

Awesome series. If it wasn't enough to see some old Pistons-Celtics clips from the eighties (my favorite is the one where Larry Bird whips the ball at Bill Laimbeer's face between plays), we're seeing a couple of games (game 5 especially) where all the big guys from both teams are playing on all cylinders. Sprinkle some unexpected big games from role guys (Antonio McDyess in game 4 and Kendrick Perkins in game 5) and you have an amazing Conference Finals. Can anybody see this not going to a game seven? I can't. I'm hoping this series goes down to the wire, and whoever comes out on top will whup the Lakers in the NBA Finals (knocking on wood). Can you feel it?

PLAYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFSSSSSSSSSS!!!

The Boozy on The Shootout And A Preview of The Eastern Conference Finals

First of all, kudos to The Boozy for coming up with the longest blog title we've ever had. Much Kudos. As the playoffs have gone on, the matchups have been getting better and better down the stretch. That shouldn't seem weird, right? But let's consider last year, where the best series were in the first two rounds (remember Warriors v. Mavs? Oh, the memories... frickin' Nuggets...) and culminated with a stellar Western Conference championship between the most entertaining team in the league (The Suns) and the team of the decade (The Spurs) that trumped both the Eastern Conference Finals and the NBA Finals. Compared to last year's bizarre playoffs, this one seems right down to earth. We had all of the top seeds going into the semis, with few surprises (keep in mind home teams should always win, so I never thought that 25-3 home record was weird), leading to what we expected--every team, minus the Magic, playing some of the best basketball in the league over the course of six or seven games. Now in the conference championships, we have the best four teams in the league, hands down, going at it with each team having a real chance to win a ring.

And this is the best and most exciting part--the Eastern Conference is the heavy favorite to win the NBA Finals, based on the regular season record. While the Lakers are red hot and the Spurs are the defending champs, the top two teams from the regular season are actually in the East! This hasn't happened since Michael Jordan was in a Bulls uniform. I'm so happy right now I could cry. It's better than crying about that impossible Pau Gasol trade. I still hate you, Chris Wallace!!!

Let me take you back in time to the fall of 2003. This was my (and the other side of the Boozy's) first year in college and I didn't want anything to do with the NBA. Instead of watching the NBA I spent my free time drinking, studying and drinking some more, occasionally interacting with women. Wait, I forgot about my Nintendo Gamecube. But I digress. Let's face it, it got boring for easterners. The past champs at that point (since 1999) were either the Lakers or the Spurs, while the east turned into a complete joke of a conference. The teams that came out of the east were either flashy and too undersized to take on either the Lakers or the Spurs (like, say, the 2001 Sixers) or bland, boring, and too slow to handle any Western Conference team (like the 2002 Nets). Then all of a sudden, it got better. The Pistons won the title in 2004, causing me to halt all forthcoming drinking binges and hoochies and once again became obsessed with the game, with the Pistons being my team. Now it's 2008 and it has come full circle. The teams in the Eastern Conference Finals are just as good, if not better, than their western counterparts. It's been a long time coming.

I still want to hit my head on the drywall at the thought of another Spurs/Lakers series, but I'll take on that series tomorrow. For now we'll focus on tonight's Game 1 between The Detroit Pistons and the Boston Celtics.

It's hard for me to get into this series because I'm still recovering from Game 7 of the Cavs/Celts series. Literally. During the course of the game I finished off the last of our Goldschlager while screaming like Paul Pierce when he stole the jump ball from LeBron James. I bruised my chest, too, from hitting myself pretending I was Kevin Garnett coming off an and-one dunk. How could I resist? It was one of the most incredible games I have ever seen since I've been old enough to appreciate this sort of performance. If you believe what KG said about the series being "two heavyweights exchanging body blows" then game 7 was a microcosm of what was going on in the series. It was a classic shootout between two great players, something that only comes around so often. The only thing more astounding than the 40+ points that Bron and Truth scored was the fact that they were scoring in each other's faces. This game, about three minutes into it, went from Celtics v. Cavs to Pierce v. James. Incredible. Even though I'm a Celtics fan and I'm glad they won, I would've said the same thing had they lost, concluding that it's tough to win when LeBron is being LeBron. But the Celtics move on, and it's up to Pierce to carry his momentum to the next series and bring the rest of the C's with him.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, it's time for a breakdown of the Eastern Conference Finals. In the Cavs/Celts series, the key matchup was between Paul Pierce and LeBron James. In the Conference Finals, it's going to be--no, not Chauncey Billups and Rajon Rondo, but KG and Rasheed Wallace.

Here's a visual approximation for KG...

And one for Sheed...


Nice.

The reason it's so big is because these guys are mirror images of each other. They're big guys, they love to shoot the jumpers, and their performance is determined by their emotional levels (i.e. they play better angry). They also serve as the emotional center for their respective clubs--if they're fired up, the rest of their team will follow suit. I'm expecting a flurry of double technicals given out over the series, and for all different reasons--too much trash talking, too many in-your-face encounters, and hard pushing--and all of them going to KG and Sheed. So to sum this series up in one word, it'll be about emotion.

But the matchup everybody's talking about is between Billups and Rondo. Billups is the taller and stronger of the two, but Rondo has the speed to drive to the hoop every time, leading to layups or assists. If Billups can play solid, make his shots, and fight through his recent hamstring injury, then he'll be able to offset his speed disadvantage. And these two issues for Detroit--Rondo and KG--can be neutralized, and they probably won't have to worry too much about Kendrick Perkins.

Tayshaun Prince, however, will have his hands full with Paul Pierce. Tayshaun has the additional problem of being cold after days off from competitive balling while Pierce will still be hot and fired up from his game 7 performance in the last series. Prince is a great shot blocker, but it won't do much if Pierce blows right by him with his superior footwork. But as we've seen in Atlanta and Cleveland, the Celtics tend to overlook the obvious mismatch and if they don't, then hopefully the Pistons won't have to worry about this matchup.

My favorite matchup, and Detroit's greatest advantage, is between Rip Hamilton and Ray Allen. This is a UConn fan's dream, a matchup between the leaders of two extraordinary Husky teams, with Ray a part of the 1996 Big East champs and Rip a part of the 1999 National Champs. But Ray's career might be on the down slope while Rip is chugging through his prime. Hamilton will be able to outrun, outgun, and outplay Allen as Ray seems to be losing his shot over the course of a very long postseason for him--the longest one he's ever had. In my opinion this will be the matchup we will see the most substitutions on--with Eddie House and Tony Allen filling in for Ray's tender ankles.

How will the Pistons win the series? It will take four A games for both Billups and Hamilton to pull it off. The Pistons will also need to rely on Antonio McDyess and Jason Maxiell when it counts--they'll have their moments when KG leaves the game and the Pistons switch to a bigger lineup. McDyess is known for his mid-range jumpers. If he can get those to sink in, and if Billups and Hamilton can deliver, then the series should be over in five or six games, depending on how many games they can steal on the road.

How will the Celtics win the series? Ray needs to show up. It's as simple as that. The Celt's favorite go-to three-point scorer needs to appear in the big games for once in the playoffs and drop somewhere between 15 and 25 points a game to be a significant threat. He can only defer to KG or Pierce so many times until he has to become The Man. In my opinion, he's overdue for a breakout series, and this might be the one. Also, Glen Davis needs to have the same sort of games like the one he had against the Pistons earlier this year where he dropped 20 big ones. Big Baby has exploited the Pistons' weak post defense once before and has the capacity to do it again. And while Pierce will be good this series, KG will have to be better than him if Garnett is going to take on Sheed. A KG and Sheed shootout? Now that would be one for the ages. On top of everything else, the C's need to figure out how to win on the road. The Pistons play the same regardless of which court they're on, and if they steal one in Boston then it's lights out for the C's. For the Celtics to win, there has to be a game seven. And like a good game from Ray, a road victory is way overdue for the Celts.

With game one already starting, it's time to see how wrong I really am with this blog. Tomorrow I'll break down the west, and who knows, maybe I'll divulge something else about my college years, like where I was the last time there was a Spurs/Lakers conference finals. Oh, the horror...

The Boozy on The Semis

Nobody could have predicted round one. Nobody. I can't even look at my past blog entries because they are so wrong. However that's the beauty of the postseason. If we knew what was going on, we wouldn't watch. But I'd like to think I had at least an inkling of what was up, seeing how I watched a ton of games on the league pass this season. Nope. Doesn't matter. This season is a completely different beast, and the postseason is proving to be better than the last. In my opinion, the top five shockers in the first round were:

5. Cleveland wins round six at Washington to finish the series. Remember how I predicted the series would go to seven? I thought that Gilbert Arenas would make the Wizards a much better offensive group, but he seemed to have an inverse effect--he became a liability on defense. Eddie Jordan wisely kept him out of game five for that reason, leading to a rout of the Cavs at home. But Gil came back for game six because the Wiz needed to try something--anything--to fight off LeBron. They couldn't do it. And the result was an unexpected road win for the Cavaliers, even though they would have pounded the Wiz in game seven if they had to play one. I knew the Cavs would win the series, but not like how it played out. Wow.

4. The Lakers sweep Denver. I counted on the Nuggets winning two. Then they lost game three, and I gave them one win. Then they lost game four, which led to me punching a hole in the wall at the thought of the Lakers returning to the NBA Finals. This bodes extremely well for the Lakers, as that sweep gives them great momentum for the series against the Jazz, which has a better defense than Denver, though that doesn't say much. Plus I believe that the team that sweeps in the first round should be the team most likely to head to the finals--hence, the hole in the wall.

3. Dallas gets whupped by New Orleans. It makes sense now, seeing how the Hornets are handling the Spurs pretty well at this moment, but nobody believed that the Mavs would fall like they did against New Orleans. And the reason the Hornets won the series is far too obvious--Jason Kidd didn't match up well with the faster, more athletic Chris Paul. We also can't forget that the acquisition of Kidd came at the price of DeSagana Diop, a player who could at least post up well against Tyson Chandler and New Orlean's other big boys. Seeing as the 2008 NBA playoffs are being defined by great defenses, the weakened defense of the Mavs has no place here. I feel bad for Dirk Nowitzki after being knocked out of the first round for the second time in a row. At least Avery Johnson took all the blame (and good riddance. All hail the Rick Carlisle era!!!).

2. San Antonio beats Phoenix in the playoffs... AGAIN. Another Spurs-Suns series, this time in the first round, and again ending with the Spurs moving on. So why is this at number two? The big surprise here is that it happened despite the Suns picking up Shaq the Spurs Killer. But Shaquille O'Neal was clearly not enough of an addition to the defense as the old problems stuck around. Steve Nash, Raja Bell and Amare Stoudamire remain liabilities on the defensive end, and the better defenders, Shaq and Boris Diaw, didn't make a big enough impact on offense. If anything, this was the undoing of the high-flying Suns of the past few seasons and the beginning of a hopefully more balanced era. In fact the beginning of that era began with the Shaq trade and will continue in the offseason, regardless if Mike D'Antoni is there or not. But this was the warning sign that something has to change in Phoenix. Let's hope it does.

1. Atlanta takes Boston to seven games. It wasn't because nobody believed in the Hawks and it wasn't the fact it was the best record playing against the worst record in the playoffs. It was everybody--including every talking head on television and radio--overlooking the series altogether. That's why the series was so shocking. The other series seemed so much more interesting than this one, until Atlanta won that game four and people started talking about this series and how this made the Celtics mortal. The truth is that the Celtics couldn't match up well with the young, athletic, high-flying Hawks, especially when Atlanta was at home and making their shots. I also get the feeling that the Celtics were taking it easy on the road, resting up for the next home-game blowout. I wouldn't be surprised now if the C's lose all of their road games. They can if they want to, seeing as they get home-court advantage throughout the playoffs. Well, if that's the strategy, then I don't get it. Let's put this series in the "fluky" pile.

(That series also had some eery similarities to the first Rocky movie. Just think of Atlanta as the Italian Stallion going the distance against the number-one fighter/team, who like Apollo Creed knows how to strut around and talk trash like they're the best. And just like Rocky, Atlanta came out of nowhere to do it. No, they didn't win, but damn did they go the distance.)

Now for some tidbits about round two. First of all, I'll give you a heads up--I believe round two will play out like round one with the top seeds all moving on. Nothing has shown me the contrary, no matter how hard I wish for it.

Celtics v. Cavs
As Boston proved tonight, there's no place for the Cavs offense to go if they can cut off LeBron's path to the basket. If anything, this series has exploited the obvious flaw in the Cleveland offense and I hope this leads to a coaching change in Cleveland if they end up losing the series. Like Charles Barkley says on the TNT broadcast, they should be finishing plays with LeBron and not starting with him attacking and dishing out. But as much as I think Cleveland is screwed in the series, Boston still hasn't won a game on the road, so I can definitely see this going to seven games, with Boston moving on thanks to the home court advantage.

Pistons v. Magic
Okay, the Magic won game three and Chauncey Billups is out. But Rashard Lewis, in my opinion, had his career high the other night and it's going to stay that way. The Magic's scoring percentages will go down in game four, so I expect a closer game four, even if Billups is a no show. But the sudden hamstring injury means at least one game with Rodney Stuckey, which means two out of the big three will need to step up--which they will. I expect a big game from Rip Hamilton and Rasheed Wallace, as well as another great night for Jason Maxiell. But I can also see this series going to seven, regardless of Billup's presence. In the end, however, the Pistons will prevail after Rashard comes down from his high and Maxiell stops Dwight Howard.

Lakers v. Jazz
Please, Utah, don't let this be a sweep. It's painfully clear that the Lakers are the better team--everyone on the Lakers matches up well or better than their Jazz counterparts--as well as far more athletic and aggressive. Carlos Boozer has been a no-show, which I'm sure will change in game three, and Deron Williams has been forced to carry the team, something he shouldn't have to do with Boozer on the court. I also expect Mehmet Okur to make his perimeter shots at home, since he couldn't do it well in LA and I subscribe to the "overdue theory." (I'll explain this theory in another blog.) All in all, the Jazz will make their jump shots in Utah, something they struggled with in the first two games. But let's face it, the Lakers are a better team and will end this in six or less. I hate to say it, but Kobe is finally showing shades of Michael Jordan in his last few games. Grr....

Hornets v. Spurs
On paper, the Spurs should be the better team, but haven't found a way to stop the Hornets at home. That's a bad thing, considering they're the lower seed and need a road win to control the series. Chris Paul is simply too good of a team leader for the Spurs and can change the offensive plan on the fly. CP3 has the ability to give himself a ton of options no matter where he is on the court, and as long as Bonzi Wells can make his jumpers, they're all good options. Though game three is still going on, and even though the Spurs won tonight, I still see the Hornets pulling the upset on the reigning NBA champs just because they seem unstoppable at home. I can definitely see this going to seven games, with hopefully a couple of overtimes to boot.

Oh, and I'm not surprised that Kobe is the MVP, but I am a little bit disappointed. KG just seems so much more valuable to his team. But I will say that Kobe is... sigh... the best player in the league.

**Punching another hole in the wall**

The Boozy On Round One (So Far)

Hoo boy! So far, everything has been pretty predictable in the first round. The only exception, of course, is the game one shocker in Detroit where the Sixers managed to out-hustle the dead-in-the-water Pistons. But as we saw last night, Detroit has woken up from its slumber and has more than enough in the tank to take down Philly in three more games, possibly in straight succession. The Boozy will take a look at this and all the other series so far in this blog. We will be making some changes to our previous decisions, which we will mark in bold.

(I suppose you could count Utah's two road wins in Houston to be surprising, but come on. It's the Jazz. And they're the McGrady Rockets. Everybody saw that coming.)

As for the MVP race...

I'm still calling KG as my MVP choice, but it's painfully clear that Kobe will get the trophy now. His 49-point performance last night should seal the deal for people who haven't seen him in the regular season, where he was just as good. Still, I don't think he has made any improvements in his game that separate the 2008 Kobe apart from the 2007 or 2006 Kobe--so why give him the MVP award now? Is it really because he happens to have better players with him this season and they're now #1 in the West? I don't think that's a good reason for anybody to be MVP. Give me a guy who alters a franchise's destiny just by being there. Give me KG.

Speaking of KG, let's get to the Celtics and all of the first-round match-ups so far:

Celtics Lead The Hawks (2-0)
Prior to game one, I predicted a 102-82 victory for Boston. I was damn close. Boston did slightly better than my prediction, killing the Hawks 104-81. The highlight of that game has to be Leon Powe hitting an and-one dunk in the second half leading to KG and Sam Cassell pummeling Powe after he hit the ground on the dunk. The C's love it when their young guys make tough plays like that. The support the Celts give their young guys is like nothing I've ever seen before on an NBA team. It's crazy. And I see no signs of the Hawks winning a single game after a nearly 20-point loss in game two. Boston has proved that they can adjust on-the-fly to anything Atlanta tries to pull, not to mention pull all of the Hawks defenders into foul trouble. If you're a Hawks fan, this has to be painful. My last prediction stands.

And in conclusion... Bibby's an idiot.

Pistons Tied With The Sixers (1-1)
The Pistons fell asleep in game one. Rip was nowhere to be found, missing what seemed to be every single layup he attempted. Sheed missed the easy bucket late in the game. Mr. Big Shot took surprisingly few big shots. But now... the Pistons are awake. And when you wake the big dog, prepare to be bit. The Pistons' 105-88 thrashing of the Sixers proved just that. I can see Detroit winning three more straight, as I mentioned before, so I'm keeping my previous prediction.

Magic Lead The Raptors (2-0)
Put this one in the "I Told You So" file. Nobody on the Raptors can answer to Dwight Howard... in fact, very few players in the league can take on Superman. The result? Two 20-20 games for Howard. I'm keeping my prediction from last time on the same principles, with Toronto winning one on their home court thanks to their rabid fanbase cheering them on.

Cavs lead the Wizards (2-0)
Can Washington win two on their home court? You betcha. I know last season the Cavs won two straight playoff games on the road against Washington, resulting in a four-game sweep, but this Wizards team is better. Gilbert Arenas, despite his bad game two, should be in better shape with the extra resting time. Let's not forget that Caron Butler plays out of his mind when he's at home as well. I see the fans playing a big role in these games, carrying their teams to home wins, leading to a decisive game seven where, again, the home team will win in Cleveland.

Lakers Lead The Nuggets (2-0)
The decision is not whether or not the Lakers will beat the Nuggets, but in how many games will the Nugs lose. I'll keep it at five, just because the Mile High Stadium has a way of giving Denver a bit of an advantage with the less oxygen. But that's their one game. Kobe's on a roll, and the Nuggets defense isn't necessarily fit to take on the superstars of the league. Ditto for defending Pau Gasol. The Nuggets defense can only pick which player will have a monster game against them--Pau or Kobe. God I wish the Lakers had the Warriors right now.

Hornets Lead The Mavs (2-0)
Totally wrong about this series. I underestimated the impact Chris Paul would have--nobody can stop him, especially Jason "Why Did We Trade For Him Again?" Kidd. With Kidd's atrocious contract, the Mavs are going to have a hard time building the team up for next season. As for this season, forget it. The Hornets are dominating on both sides of the board, stuffing Dirk at every possible moment, and overall out-hustling Dallas. And if CP3 keeps improving at the same pace as between the first two games, we'll be seeing a quadruple-double by game five. Wowzers. Hornets in five.

Spurs Lead The Suns (2-0)
I don't think the Suns are in as bad a position as they seem to be. After losing a double-overtime thriller in game one, they lost a pretty one-sided game two. However they have proven they can go the distance with the defending champs in both first halves, taking the lead at halftime in both games. It's up to Mike D'Antoni to out-coach Greg Popovich and adjust to his adjustments. I feel like this will play out in the Sun's favor when they play the next two at home. In fact, I see this series going much like my prediction for the Cavs/Wiz series--home wins for six games leading to a decisive seventh. I still think the Spurs will get their comeuppance.

Utah Leads The Rockets (2-0)
McGrady can't possibly think that he can carry this team on his back for the entire series. He already admitted that he gets tired from playing so many minutes and needs a little assistance. I just wish Rick Adelman would rest him, just a little bit, and let the rest of the team pick up the slack. I guess that would be a good plan if the rest of the team showed up to play. So that's the catch. McGrady is forced to play to exhaustion while the Jazz run circles around them. Slight change in my prediction. Jazz in four.

The Boozy Playoff Preview

It comes once every year, and doesn't go away for what seems like an eternity... the NBA playoffs! This Saturday marks the first of several game ones of the first round, and The Boozy is here to break down every series and give you our pick for NBA champion (which we will later regret because we got nothing right). We'll give our picks for the East first, and then we'll tackle the monstrous and volatile West. But first, onto a topic we should have dealt with weeks ago...

The MVP race!

Who deserves it more? Who's going to win? We'll we ever have a set criteria for how the MVP is picked? The answer is the same for all questions--we don't know until it happens.

A possible candidate at one time was LeBron James, but his stock has fallen a bit after not being able to claim the three spot from the Orlando Magic. I'd feel a bit more comfortable picking him for MVP if he was able to steal Dwight Howard's thunder after the All-Star break. But he didn't, and his punishment is to potentially face the best team in the league in the second round, and that's depending on if they can even beat the Wizards in the first. That's a bad place to be if you're trying to be MVP. But as far as pure stats go, Bron Bron definitely gets the individual crown. He's arguably the best player in the league (the argument being between King James and Kobe Bryant), but does little to make his players around him better. That being said, he does make his coach Mike Brown look good from time to time, but in the sense that if LeBron says "screw it" and barrels through four defenders for a power dunk, Brown can say he wrote that play up. On the plus side, LeBron is my pick for MVP next year. We can only assume he'll get better, which means next season is going to be a monster for the big guy.

Recently it seems like everybody, from ESPN talking heads to water cooler chatters, has narrowed the MVP race to two players--Bryant and Chris Paul. Both players have put up awesome numbers, as well as led their teams through a tough conference to the top. Paul's Hornets have to be the most surprising team, if not or the fact that they were nowhere near the top of the conference last year. Wait a minute, neither were Kobe's Lakers. But aren't the Lakers expected to do good every year? And that's why the Hornets are the bigger surprise. However, Paul has an advantage over Kobe because he actually makes his players better. CP3, as a point guard, has that ability to create plays and spread shots across to all players. Would Peja or Tyson have those monster numbers if Paul wasn't there? You can't say the same for Kobe, who has the reputation of being a ball hog, as well as a guy who stays rather detached from his team, both on and off the court. Yet I can't say Paul's the best player in the league. That credit goes to Kobe.

One thing that people talk about in terms of Bryant's MVP candidacy is the fact he got his team to the top seed in the conference under very unfavorable circumstances. For starters, he played the last half of the season without a pinky. JUST ONE PINKY! I don't know what I'd do with one pinky--all I know is there's no way in hell I'd be playing ball. But Li'l Bean knows how to do it. Let's also not forget that Kobe was playing a good chunk of the season with other players on the team injured. First it was Andrew Bynum going down after a great beginning to the season (and hasn't returned from), then it was Pau Gasol who was injured for two weeks, which occurred shortly after his trade to the team. Kobe, for all intents and purposes, is The Man this season and it's hard to vote against him in the MVP ballots.

But this is where the other half of The Boozy disagrees. ESPN's Bill Simmons makes a stellar point to give the MVP award to Kevin Garnett, which I, Doozy, have to agree with. Keep in mind I also thought Shaquille O'Neal should have won the MVP his first year with the Heat for the same reason. KG singlehandedly turned a 24-win team into a 66-win team, making basketball relevant in Boston again. There hasn't been this much excitement going into the playoffs for the city of Boston in over 15 years. Shouldn't this account for something? And shouldn't we also include the whole KG phenomenon that swept the league in the beginning of the season thanks in part to that lovely NBA marketing campaign? And we can't forget that the KG trade is the single reason why all the other massive trades started happening, first with Pau Gasol and then with Shaq and Jason Kidd. I could even argue that KG has made this NBA season the most exciting one since the first Bulls championship years. He's that important to the league. How could we not give him the MVP award?

So there you have it; the MVP race in a nutshell. On to the Eastern Conference match-ups.

1. Boston Celtics v. 8. Atlanta Hawks

So we have, in terms of records, the best team in the league against the worst team in the playoffs. Did we mention the Hawks are under .500? C's in four.

2. Detroit Pistons v. 7. Philadelphia 76ers

I'm kinda sorta hoping that the Sixers pull off the upset just so we see some substantial change in the Pistons lineup. We get the impression that this could be Flip Saunder's last year in Detroit if they don't make it past the Eastern Finals again, but I said the same thing last year and the year before that and he's still around. To me, this Pistons team is the equivalent of the Sacramento Kings during the Lakers' most recent championship years--a great team that can't seem to get over that last hurdle before the NBA Finals. However, the Kings never won a title with that Bibby-Webber team, whereas the Billups-Hamilton-Wallace Pistons already won the title in 2004. You have to assume that something has to give after this season, especially if Detroit misses out on the title again for the fourth straight year. But as much as I like the resurgent Sixers, where Andre Iguodala has suddenly become the toast of Philly, this probably won't be their year. But Mo Cheeks has something great on his hands. Pistons in five.


3. Orlando Magic v. 6. Toronto Raptors

Basketball is a game of match-ups, and I don't see anybody on the Raptors matching up to Dwight Howard. And if the Raptors find a way to match up with Howard, it will be at the expense of a mismatch with either Rashard Lewis or Hedo Turkoglu. You can't underestimate the impact of Chris Bosh and Jose Calderon on the offensive end, but they'll have trouble when it comes to preventing Superman from getting his bajillion dunks per game. Magic in five.

4. Cleveland Cavaliers v. 5. Washington Wizards

The Boozy is divided on this one, but I'll give you the Doozy side of things. The Wizards, unlike the Cavs, ended the season on a high note with a stellar finish, Caron Butler's coming out party as The Man and the return of Gilbert Arenas as one heckuva sixth man. Yet I can't shake the feeling that this could be Zero's last year on the Wiz and it might show during the series. It will definitely show after the series if the Wiz can't pull the upset on the 2007 Eastern Conference champs. But this is the playoffs and I find it very hard to go against LeBron in the playoffs, especially considering what he did at this time last year and what he did this season. This is a tough one, but I'm going with Bron Bron here. Cavs in seven.

The Western Conference will be more fun to watch. There's a ton of opportunities for upsets, since any one of these match-ups can go either way, including the 1-8 game to a lesser extent. I've never been so unsure about my picks in my life. Here it goes anyway.

1. Los Angeles Lakers v. 8. Denver Nuggets

As a punishment, I think the Nuggets should be swept by the Lakers for ending with a better record than Golden State. How much more exciting would this series be if it was Kobe against the high-flying Warriors? Alas, we are stuck with a Denver team that can't defend and has no way of making it past the first round of the playoffs. As much as I like 'Melo and A.I., and as much as I hate Kobe, it's painfully clear that the Lakers have the better team. Did I mention the Nugs have nobody to stop Pau Gasol? Lakers in five.

2. New Orleans Hornets v. 7. Dallas Mavericks

I know it only pertains to the regular season, but you get the impression that if the Hornets screw this series up then Kobe's the clear-cut winner of the MVP race over CP3. But this will be a battle of the point guards as the white-hot Paul takes on the seasoned Jason Kidd. I can't wait for this one. Again, it's hard to bet money against the Mavs in this series because Dirk knows how to turn it on for the playoffs (last year aside) as well as Kidd. We can't say the same for Paul, as this will be his first postseason test. However, his other teammates on the starting lineup have made it to the playoffs before, but it won't mean much if their point guard chokes in the series. My best prediction is that this series will be entertaining. Mavs in seven.

3. San Antonio Spurs v. 6. Phoenix Suns

Who would've thought, in the beginning of the season, that the best series in the playoffs would be the 2-7 and the 3-6 in the west? Nobody, that's who. This is the dream match-up for the Suns, since the Shaq acquisition was done specifically to counter the Spurs in the playoffs. So why not kill them in the first round before Shaq gets tired going deep into the postseason? This will also be a make-or-break series for Suns GM Steve Kerr. Like he said, if the Suns make it past the Spurs, he'll be seen as a genius. If they don't make it, he'll be a moron. On top of this is the ongoing storyline of the aging Spurs, with people counting them out because so many players on the team are over 30. No doubt Ginobili will be the X-factor in the series for them. If he consistently puts up good numbers, the Spurs will win the series. But I feel that Shaq will play like the Shaq of yesteryear, if for any other reason because he wants to stick it to Kobe in the Western Conference Finals, and that will make all the difference. Suns in seven.

4. Utah Jazz v. 5. Houston Rockets

I can't imagine McGrady's Rockets getting past the first round. Can you? Jazz in six.

We'll break down the conference semifinals in our next posting, along with our pick for NBA champion.

The Boozy On StubHub

I would just like to share with you the email I just received from StubHub. StubHub has been, for years now, the place I've been going to get cheap NBA tickets. But now I feel like I have to look somewhere else because they actually tried to sell me Clippers tickets, which at this point should be considered a crime against humanity. I thought StubHub would give up on them like every Clipper fan has this season, but evidently it's not the case. Bless them for trying, I suppose. Here's the message they sent via email:

"College hoops may be going mad, but Los Angeles Clippers fans know the true drama lies in the pros. With so many playoff spots up for grabs, the NBA season's final weeks will be chock-full of big shots and even bigger moments. Secure Clippers tickets today."

Are they really insinuating that the Clippers have a chance to make the playoffs? Really? A 20-39 team in 12th place in March is going to go to the playoffs? Where even if they had 30 wins they'd still be behind Portland and Denver who are out of playoff contention at this point? Sorry StubHub, you can't fool true Clippers fans. They know the season's over.

Now they're not necessarily saying that the Clippers will make the playoffs. They're just saying that Clippers fans know that some of the playoff spots are up for grabs, but will not necessarily be grabbed the Clippers themselves. However, keep in mind they are trying to sell Clippers tickets. Why sell Clippers tickets, though, if their season is already in the toilet and the GM is already looking to the lottery? That's why they worded it so weirdly--they want to give the impression that the Clippers have a chance at getting one of those playoff spots. Those StubHub guys are sneaky bastards. I hate it. Here's how I would have worded it:

"Sure, the Clippers stink this year, but don't you realize other Clippers fans' season tickets are up for grabs at super-low prices? Nobody wants to pay top dollar for a lottery team, so why not get tickets now for half of the asking price?! Who knows, maybe you can get good seats for teams who WILL make the playoffs and humiliate the Clippers for like twenty bucks! And the best news is that next season the tickets will be priced even lower now that the future of the franchise is in doubt! It's a buyer's market, so get to steppin'!"

StubHub, you're welcome.

The Boozy on Blazers TV

Game watched: Blazers v. Celtics

The league pass is great. We get all the games for all the teams so we never skip a beat. Our fingers are always firmly on the pulse of the league. However, the pass is not without its problems. For the most part, we see the games we want and it's no trouble. But once in a while there is a local sports broadcasting team that is so atrocious it makes us think that we're better off with just the national broadcasts, or at least listening to only music during the game.

Enter the Comcast Sports Network Northwest broadcasting team, the worst group of guys to ever hold cameras and microphones. Now three things have been bugging me with the broadcast since I've been watching the game:

1) The announcers have no clue what they're talking about.

Like, when they dish out facts that make no sense. Mike Rice, the color commentator, gives us his bizarre two cents on Rajon Rondo. He says he's impressed in Rondo's improvement after replacing Sebastian Telfair in the lineup. That great and all, but the starting point guard last season was DeLonte West! Wouldn't somebody point this out to him? You would think the guy could at least remember last season, but I guess it's tough when you're senile and all.

2) The announcers are hopelessly homers.

There's a great story where the Boston Celtics' TV announcers were given a talking to by Red Auerbach one time, saying to them, "Remember who signs your paychecks." I guess it's not much of a story. But the lesson is local announcers really are supposed to cater to the local crowd. But mix in my first complaint and you've got annoying results. The refs were bad tonight (an official team led by Bennet Salvatore should have been a dead giveaway), but not as bad as the announcers made them out to be. Rice did a good job of catching Boston's flopping when trying to draw a foul, but when the Blazers flop, it's a different story. That Blazer was really thrown back. I find it hard to believe that an announcer, whether he's a homer or not, would be that biased towards they're team. They're cheerleaders. When they foul, they cheat. When we foul, it's the refs playing favorites, or using their "star power," as Rice says. When Przybilla and Garnett fight for position, Garnett is the bully. This gets to be unbearable after an hour.

3) The announcers' insight adds zero to the entertainment factor.

No matter which guy talks, it seems like they're talking for the sake of talking. No insight to strategy, no intriguing facts or stats, and no excitement to what's going on in the game. Now the lack of enthusiasm can be attributed to Portland's awful second half performance, but nobody was excited for the early seventeen-point lead, either. Halfway through I wanted to play a tape of Marv Albert talking just so I wouldn't lose my mind listening to the CSN Northwest guys. Then again, there's a reason why these guys are stuck in Oregon.

I propose we write a letter to the League Pass guys and keep the Portland team off of the network. When the Blazers play, we should get the opponent's local broadcast because these guys just gave me a reason not to do league pass next year. Those guys are that bad. Then again, it might just be because I'm a homer and I wanted to hear my CSN New England crew. But I think the Portland crew's so bad that even people in Portland know they suck. What do you think, Blazers fans? Let your voice be heard!

The Boozy on Dale Davis, Giving up too much, and Juan Gone.

Ok, ok...I know what you are thinking, “Boy, I’ve sure missed the Boozy” and “When is the Boozy coming back?” Well, much like the Diesel, I'm back to make the Boozy an unstoppable force. To the Doozy who made it known to all our loyal readers that he has written four straight entrees, I'm sorry. I messed up. I messed up big. Enough of that...Let's move on...

I don’t think this is an exaggeration when I say this will go down as the biggest mid-season trade deadline in NBA history. No less then eight former all-stars landed on new teams over the last month. That’s absolutely amazing! Not only that, the flurry of transactions has created, what everyone expects to be, one of the most competitive playoffs in NBA history.

But what I find fascinating is the trades themselves. When was the last time in the middle of season were this many legitimate all-stars were traded? After some hasty and half-assed research, The Boozy discovered in Feburary 2005, Baron Davis was dealt to Golden State for Dale Davis, Speedy Claxton, and cash money. Only two years later, Baron would grow a huge beard. Also in 2005, Antoine Walker was traded back to Boston for a bunch of parts and contracts. At the time Boston fans were thrilled. Then they realized Antoine still liked to shoot...alot. In 2003, Jesus Shuttlesworth, or Ray Allen to those not familiar with "He Got Game", was traded from the Bucks to Seattle. Two years later, he would lead the Sonics to an improbable playoff run. Point being, trades happen in the NBA. But it’s rare to find trades with this much star power or championship repercussions, especially in the middle of the season.

Nearly every team (ok, not my Wizards, but more on them later) with a punchers chance of making the playoffs made some move to try to push them over the top. Because I am such a great guy, here’s a quick and dirty guide on how each move affects the contending team this year.

(A side note: Many of these trades will have huge repercussions in the future, both positive and negative. But here at the Boozy, we live in the moment. So therefore, this is strictly how it will effect the team this year.)

(A second side note: This is only the first half. Second half of the list will be constructed tomorrow)

In alphabetical order:

Atlanta Hawks: They acquired a shoot-first, pass-second point in Mike Bibby. He’s definitely an upgrade over the below-average mishmash of point guards they had before. They didn’t have to give up much to get him either, including failed first rounder Sheldon Williams. The Hawks sit in 9th in the East, a game out of the playoffs. This could push them to grab the 8th spot in the East. But I guess when you’re the Hawks, that’s an accomplishment.

Chicago Bulls: They dumped Ben Wallace, who everyone hailed at the time of his signing as the gladiator who was going to take the Bulls to post-Jordan promise land. Well that didn’t really happen. But they actually did get a nice little haul for him and Joe Smith. Drew Gooden has struggled this season, but he is still young and makes a very good back-up power forward, if not starter. Larry Hughes is an expensive, often injured, gambler, both on offense and defense. But he can light up the scoreboard and occasionally plays good defense. If he stays healthy, he is a pretty good shooting guard.

Cleveland Cavaliers: LeBron wanted Kidd and what he got was Big Ben, Wally World, Joe Smith, and Delonte West. Those are four solid role players who play specific roles for this team. A very solid trade for the Cleveland Lebrons, er Cavs. The Cavs aren’t in the same class as the Pistons and C’s, but it puts them squarely the third best team in the east. But I wouldn’t count against Lebron, especially with a team built around him that will fill roles.

Dallas Mavs: Everyone is knocking the Mavs for giving up too much for the future Hall of Famer Jason Kidd. They did. This was a trade to make a trade. Kidd will give the Mavs toughness, character, and a bigger body (at least compared to Harris). But Diop was the only guy on the Mavs who even wanted to play defense. Harris is young, very quick, cheap, and decently talented. Kidd is a good acquisition, even at 34, but the Mavs already had a good point guard.

Detriot Pistons: I know they only made a very minor trade. But I had to include it. Juan Dixon, a Boozy favorite, becomes a Piston. He will add lots of energy. That’s a good thing.

Before I put a “To Be Continued” on this, one quick note:

Major props goes to the other side of the Boozy for his full-blown review the Rudy Gay YouTube dunk contest submissions. I can pretty much guarantee you that you will not find that on any other basketball related website.

Now I can do this…”To Be Continued”

The Doozy On The Boozy And Gettin' Gay With Gay

I'm making a new rule for the blog. If you've been writing four straight blogs by yourself, you're allowed to use your name on the fifth one. So I'm not coming to you as the Boozy, but as Doozy.

I apologize for the four weeks of nothing at The Boozy. This tends to be the month where most people ignore the NBA anyway amid the excitement and sheer media dominance of the NFL playoffs. The Boozy was yet another victim, however I've been watching as many NBA games as I could. The highlights (or lowlights for me) have definitely been the "slump" that the Celtics have had this month--The Boozy has personally been witness to the two losses in a row by the Washington Wizards (yet we didn't write about it... why?) as well as the losses to Charlotte and Toronto. Marc Stein is nice enough to keep the C's at number one in his ESPN power polling, but that's just because the other powerhouse teams are doing just as bad. Detroit's slipping, and despite the resurgence of the Spurs and the steady might of the Mavs and Suns, they still have way more losses than Boston. This is what Michael Wilbon calls the "dog days of January" where good teams do bad against the okay and mediocre teams. After the All-Star break, things should go back to normal. Until then, we have reason number two why we haven't written in four weeks--the teams are playing sloppy in the NBA.

The last thing I tried to write about was a blog about the triple-header from Monday, starting with what MLK meant to me and how I see his impact in the world. However, EZ came over during the first game and I switched from being writer to being host. Plus, it's tough to watch the games when you have Rock Band in the place. So EZ sort of blocked me from writing another blog. However, EZ has totally redeemed himself because he gave me a reason to write today.

This morning, EZ passed along a link to a YouTube clip of Rudy Gay asking viewers to post up dunk videos onto his profile (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3FbX-17iOY). Since Gay was asked to be in this year's dunk competition (I refuse to preface the dunk contest with its sponsor since every other media guy does it anyway. Instead, I'll present it as a question--Who wants a Sprizzite?) he's looking to the Internet to find which dunks he should use, and promises to use at least one dunk from the fan responses. My suggestion to Rudy, from one Connecticutter to another? Don't do it.

I've personally looked through all responses so far and they're terrible. Half of the clips involve white guys under six feet tall doing straight dunks on lowered hoops. Really awful. But instead of giving you a general idea, I thought it would be fun to go through specific videos and criticize them one by one, starting at 30.

I also have video responses numbers 31-34, but I'm ignoring them because one is an okay dunk, two are over the time limit (Gay asks for thirty seconds) and the other isn't a dunk at all. It's actually a clip of three 12-year olds tackling one another. It's terrible and disturbing at the same time. Where are the parents? Anywho, let's get this started.

#30 - The viewer prefaces this with "Rudy if you use this dunk you will get a perfect score[.] It's my signature and no one is doing it! You can search all day on YouTube and you'll never see this!!!" Apparently the kid's name is Shadow, which makes absolutely no sense (he's the palest dude I've ever seen). It starts with eight-year-olds cheering from the bleachers (bad sign--you know they didn't pay for tickets) followed by a pretty anticlimactic dunk. He does an alley-oop pass from behind his back and does a straight dunk. Come on, Shadow! Finish with a double pump or a spin or something! I would say about 90% of the NBA players can do that dunk, no problem. Even Brent Barry.

#29 - Speak of the devil! This guy calls himself "young Brett Barry." Bad sign #1: He compares himself to a player who doesn't dunk. Bad sign #2: He misses the dunk. Moving on.

#28 - This guy not only does a few dunks, but powers up with the great taste of Sprite! Although it looks more like an audition tape to be one of the guys who sinks in the court/pool in those Sprite commercials, the dunks he performs are rudimentary at best. Very basic stuff--bounce the ball to the board and do a straight one-handed or two-handed dunk. Try drinking water. Better yet, drink some beer. I'd rather see you do this drunk.

#27 - This guy actually pulls off some decent dunks. The only problem is I can't figure out where the dunks come from. He keeps cutting out the shots of the ball going up, only showing the dunks themselves! How is Rudy supposed to know what to do? You inconsiderate boy! Give us the uncut version! Also, the guy forgot to dribble on the first dunk. I'm pretty sure that's not allowed in the dunk contest.

#26 - Two-second clip from "FeyRegy aka Flight21" where he does a straight two-handed dunk. Lame. moving on.

#25 - Looks like a movie taken from a cell phone. The best part is after the dunk where the guy puts his hands down his pants. Rudy should definitely consider this for the dunk contest. How about after a tomahawk slam he reaches in his shorts and simulates masturba-- nevermind. The dunk sucks. Moving on.

#24 - An interesting trailer for some low-budget documentary about Pakistan. Great, but there's no dunking. Ugh. Moving on.

#23 - A great montage of NBA dunks. But that's it. Moving on... again...

#22 - By far the best clip. Team Flight Brothers shows us a montage of really interesting dunks. It looks like they give Rudy one hell of a selection to choose from. I prefer the reverse-honey-jar dunk that happens towards the middle of the clip. The ball just sort of rests on the guy's head after the dunk when he's hanging. I'm sure that's some form of offensive goal tending. At the end they say they can't reveal their best dunks. Why not? When's the next time I'm going to be watching The Flight Brothers? Never? Give us some more already!

#21 - The guy pulls off a nice under-the-leg dunk. Good for him, bad for Gay. He needs something flashier than this. Plus, the slo-mo he uses is really weird. It starts really slow then speeds up at the end. Imagine if in Street Fighter II the game went FASTER when you landed a punch instead of slower. That would be silly. about 99% of you didn't understand that last joke. I apologize.

#20 - White guy, white dunk. Moving on.

#19 - Are those hoops regulation size? After a montage of straight-up dunks on shallow boards, the clip ends with a baby dunk followed by the words "you're welcome." Who are you kidding? How about less pitiful showboating and working on your sorry game? YOU'RE welcome.

#18 - Jeremiahbfox asks, "Do we really need to call it 'Rudy's Gay Dunking Fucking Shit?'" Ten bucks says this guy never watches basketball. Plus he doesn't have a dunk to show us. Waste. Of. Space.

#17 - Okay, I don't think this guy's dunk will be used (he misses, for one thing), but it's by far the funniest clip I've seen so far. This is how I imagined Yi JianLian's rookie season to be like. Missed dunks on a clear lane to the basket. Let's see this guy do the dunk with some chairs out there.

#16 - Another white guy dunk. Good for him, bad for Gay. Moving on.

#15 - Neat reverse dunk. It wouldn't have even been cool in the '87 dunk contest.

#14 - See #16.

#13 - Okay, I guess numbers 13 through 15 came from the same guy--Billy Doran. This guy gets The Boozy's inaugural "So I guess white men CAN jump" award for 2008. Impressive, but not Gay impressive (oh boy, here come the Gay jokes).

#12 - Nice couple of dunks from rural America. By nice I mean mediocre by Gay standards. I can't watch all four minutes of it, and I'm sure Rudy can't, either.

#11 - We get to see the same straight forward alley-oop dunk on a short board three times! At least we have proof that lame dunks aren't limited to the white population. And why does it have to always be about color?

#10 - Butterbean dunks! Moving on.

#9 - I've gone two minutes into this and all I see is a guy in a gorilla suit walking around his frat house. Moving on.

#8 - Check out the first dunk in the clip. The dude does a forward flip into a dunk. I've never seen anything like that. Is that even legal in the dunk contest? Does anyone care? Does Rudy even care? Use this dunk, please!

#7 - Nice dunk, but it's nothing without a flip. I'm still not over that last one.

#6 - Ugh. See #16.

#5 - I waited forty seconds to see a 360 dunk and some foul language. Whoopie. Moving on.

#4 - T511Bailey gave us numbers two through six. Oh, and this dunk is mediocre.

#3 - Guess what? I already responded to this when I did #16.

#2 - Are you kidding me? IT'S THE SAME DUNK AS #3!!! WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOL?! None of this is good enough for Gay. Not by a long shot.

And the number one response is... deleted. For some reason. Weird.

I guess the lesson here is that white men can't jump, dunk videos work better with groups and nobody can touch the quality of dunks that we have in the NBA. Now let us never speak of this blog ever again.